DIY Hazmat

When getting myself ready for work the other morning I followed my usual routine.  After fixing my coffee I laid out what would shortly become my lunch and then sat at my computer to do the New York Times crossword.  Something about the combination of the hot coffee and the hard thinking is just what I need to get my gastric juices roiling.  Right on cue I toddled off to the downstairs bathroom and attended to business.  When done I flushed as usual.  Uh, oh!  The toilet did not overflow, but boy it came very close to the brim.  And there was a pretty toxic looking miasma sloshing around in there!

I decided to not deal with it then and hoped it would have fixed itself by the time I got home from work.  Well, my hopes were dashed.  I did some surfing on the net and found a few DIY suggestions.  I rejected the first one, a plunger. I have yet to master the needed flick of the wrist technique for successful plunging; never accomplished more than splashing dirty water all over myself and the bathroom.

I did decide to try the eco-friendly solution of warm water, baking soda, and white vinegar.  When mixing this brew it effervesced and bubbled just like the witches cauldron in Macbeth.  This filled me with optimistic hope.  The water level in the bowl had dropped a bit so I felt safe in adding to it, especially if this fizzy mixture was going to attack the clog and get things flowing.  I poured as instructed from a few feet above the bowl, adding some oomph to the flow.  Nothing happened.  I thought, well maybe it needs some time, so I let this germinate overnight.  When I got up in that morning not much change, a bit of a drop in the water level..   I was still not prepared to deal with it further.  I think I kept hoping that the Good-Fairy-Plumber would magically come by and fix things while I was at work.  And, I have fully equipped bathroom upstairs so this was neither a health issue nor a great imposition for me.

Another suggestion on the net was to unbend a wire coat hanger to use as a snake.  Having just tossed every wire hangar in the house I had to think about where I might get one.  Well, the helpful receptionist at work equipped me with a small supply, “in case they break when you are unbending them.”  She also snagged some drain “un-clogger” from the maintenance closet.  When I got home I un-bent the hangar and confidently inserted it to unblock the toilet pipe.  The only thing I accomplished was now, in addition to the hazardous waste brewing in the bowl, I had a wire hangar sticking out of it!

It was at this point that I gave in and called for the plumber. As it was evening I wasn’t expecting anyone until the next day, this was not an emergency.  While not watching TV I kept thinking, I can’t have the plumber come and deal with that mess.  I had to clean out  before he got here.  Now the NET does caution about taking precautions when dealing with the toilet waste.  Being mindful of that I gathered a bunch of “to be discarded” towels and covered the floor around the toilet.  I also garbed myself in pj’s ready for the rag bag.  In keeping with good hazmat precaution I then draped myself in plastic trash bags, donned rubber gloves, and my swimming goggles for further protection.

Using disposable plastic containers I began the daunting process of bailing out the toilet bowl.  It is at times like this that I am so grateful for my diminished sense of smell.  I managed to bail it out completely without a single drop on the towels or my trash bag, rain coat.  With the water level down I was able to get a good grip on the hangar, turn it slightly, and out it came.  Then a few swipes with some paper towels and I it was ready for viewing.

So now, when the plumber came the following morning and I was proud to have a squeaky clean toilet, that was still blocked, for him to fix.  I do regret that I didn’t to take a selfie when decked out in my homemade hazmat suit, I could have posted it with this.