The Gift of Time

In January 2011 my sister-in-law,  who had been living so well with advanced breast cancer for over 5 years, began to decline rapidly.  At this same time I found myself unemployed, not by my choice.  The blessing in this was that it gave me unlimited time; I was able to stay as long as needed with my brother and sister-in-law.  

My niece also came and between us and the wonderful in-home hospice services, my sister-in-law spent her final days in her own home, her own bedroom, surrounded and cared for by those who loved her.  

Because my unemployment lasted quite a few months, it is not easy to find new work and especially not as a senior citizen, I was also free to visit my brother frequently to help with all the chores and details that follow the passing of a loved one.

I was and am so grateful for this fee time, almost to the point, but not quite of wanting to say “thank you” to my former employer.  Had I been working at my senior management job which kept me busy 60 to 70 hours a week, I would never have been available during this difficult time.  Being unemployed allowed me to go and stay as often and as long as he needed.  So, in the ways that matter most, loosing that job had been a blessing.

I now find myself unemployed again, this time my choosing and my timetable.  And, once again, having the freedom of time I find I am available others who are in need.  My brother is older than me and becoming quite frail due to a number of ailments.  Soon he will no longer be able to live on his own safely.  

I am pleased to have been able to make regular visits to keep an eye on him and next week he and I are off to Seattle.  The purpose of this visit is for him to get the lay of the land and, with his son and daughter-in-law, settle on an appropriate living situation.  Working would never have let me be available for these visits or this upcoming trip.

During this same time a dear friend had major surgery and has had to deal with some very scary post-surgical complications.  Thank God, she is well on the road to recovery and in not too long should be fine.  But it has been a very scary few weeks.  Here again, my not working has allowed me to be available to attend to things needing to be done, to visit and, hopefully keep her spirits up, and when home to stay and care for her.

I resented being unemployed 4 years ago, not my choice, but I am glad it gave me time to be attentive and caring.  Now I relish being unemployed and having as much time as anyone may need for my, hopefully, helpful, tending.  

There are many things I think of doing over these next few years of retirement – classes, projects, travel.  But none are as important as being there for those family and friends who have been so loving and caring of me throughout my life.  

Being able to give a bit of myself in no way balances the gifts I’ve received, but then I don’t think we are supposed to look at this as you did/I do exchange.  Being able to give of myself and my time is the greatest treasure I have to share and gives me the greatest fulfillment of all of life’s activities.  

 The “coincidence” of my having unlimited free time when it has been so clearly needed is just one more of those curious things in life that affirm my faith.  I do not believe that these events were scripted, but I do believe how I respond to them has been directed by, what I choose to call, God.  And like these happenings noted here, time and again, the events of my life, seeming somewhat random and arbitrary, affirm that God writes straight on crooked lines.

Crusty Bread

Well, it has just been a few weeks and I know I am going to like retirement.  I’ve given myself permission to move into whatever I am going to be doing slowly.  My biggest indulgence these early days has been to sleep as long and as late as I want.  When I was working my three, very spoiled, cats would wake me rather rudely between 3:00 and 4:00 AM demanding their breakfast.  That I would get up and feed them did nothing but reinforce this very bad behavior.  

Somehow they have caught onto retirement very quickly.  Now, none of them bother me before 7:00 AM and even then, can be put off for another hour with a “shush, go back to sleep”. 

Sleeping in or going back to bed with a cup of coffee and a good book is such a luxurious indulgence.  It is one that I will relish in the upcoming dark, cold winter mornings.   

After their breakfast these three critters snuggle up with me in bed and I, being more than a bit goofy, read my book aloud to them.  I do not in any way believe they understand the content, but I do know they like hearing my voice.  So, they are indulged and my oral reading skills are kept fine-tuned.

Years back there were many small, local, ethnic bakeries where really good bread was made from scratch daily.  We lived near one in Yonkers: Weber’s Bakery.  They made the best breads.  The rye bread was very European, heavy, lots of caraway seeds and a hard, crunchy crust.  Similarly, their Italian bread was soft and light on the inside and had a golden crisp crust on the outside.  

It was a weekly ritual to be sent to Weber’s late Sunday mornings for Sunday dinner bread.  Most trips I went with one or both of my older brothers.  We all clamored to do this errand.  Not because we were such good kids, but because we had built a treat into it.

The bread would be packaged in a paper sack with one end protruding.  Whoever got to carry the bread home (we had some way of determining whose turn it was) got the treat of being able to niggle off all the crust on the end sticking out.  When all the crust was gone, the bread would be flipped around so that a perfect end was showing.  

When we would get home our Mom, always the good sport, played along with this, would remove the bread from the sack and ask what could have happened to the other end.  With absolute purity and angelic innocence we would off the possibility that maybe the mice in the bakery ate the crust.  With total sincerity, our Mom would solemnly nod and agree and then put the bread on the table for dinner.

That crunchy, yummy crust has always been a favorite in my family.  Even to this day, when it is just my brother M and me, we are always polite to offer the “heel” to the other, but I am always silently praying that he’ll decline, so I can selfishly enjoy it!

I watched the Great British Baking show last season and this and it has inspired me to develop some baking skills of my own.  I am taking an adult-ed Introduction To Baking class at Essex Tech and look forward to learning how to make pastry, cakes, and bread 

We are a small class, 6 adults (4 female, 2 male) with a nice span of ages.  The instructor Chef and his assisting staff and/or HS students are fabulous.  The class goes for 3 hours on Monday nights and is a real high point of my week.  Almost all of our time is spent in the lab, first observing a demo of what we are learning, and then doing it. 

I love the hands on and we get to take home what we bake! So far we’ve made, from scratch, pizza and cinnamon rolls the first week and last week an apple pie.  We took our extra pie crust dough home and unsupervised I made another apple pie.  It looked great and tasted pretty good too!

This next class I think we will focus on Artisan breads.   I am really looking forward to know how to make good bread with a great crust.  Yum!  Problem is, once I’ve made, then I’ll want to eat it!