The Gift of Time

In January 2011 my sister-in-law,  who had been living so well with advanced breast cancer for over 5 years, began to decline rapidly.  At this same time I found myself unemployed, not by my choice.  The blessing in this was that it gave me unlimited time; I was able to stay as long as needed with my brother and sister-in-law.  

My niece also came and between us and the wonderful in-home hospice services, my sister-in-law spent her final days in her own home, her own bedroom, surrounded and cared for by those who loved her.  

Because my unemployment lasted quite a few months, it is not easy to find new work and especially not as a senior citizen, I was also free to visit my brother frequently to help with all the chores and details that follow the passing of a loved one.

I was and am so grateful for this fee time, almost to the point, but not quite of wanting to say “thank you” to my former employer.  Had I been working at my senior management job which kept me busy 60 to 70 hours a week, I would never have been available during this difficult time.  Being unemployed allowed me to go and stay as often and as long as he needed.  So, in the ways that matter most, loosing that job had been a blessing.

I now find myself unemployed again, this time my choosing and my timetable.  And, once again, having the freedom of time I find I am available others who are in need.  My brother is older than me and becoming quite frail due to a number of ailments.  Soon he will no longer be able to live on his own safely.  

I am pleased to have been able to make regular visits to keep an eye on him and next week he and I are off to Seattle.  The purpose of this visit is for him to get the lay of the land and, with his son and daughter-in-law, settle on an appropriate living situation.  Working would never have let me be available for these visits or this upcoming trip.

During this same time a dear friend had major surgery and has had to deal with some very scary post-surgical complications.  Thank God, she is well on the road to recovery and in not too long should be fine.  But it has been a very scary few weeks.  Here again, my not working has allowed me to be available to attend to things needing to be done, to visit and, hopefully keep her spirits up, and when home to stay and care for her.

I resented being unemployed 4 years ago, not my choice, but I am glad it gave me time to be attentive and caring.  Now I relish being unemployed and having as much time as anyone may need for my, hopefully, helpful, tending.  

There are many things I think of doing over these next few years of retirement – classes, projects, travel.  But none are as important as being there for those family and friends who have been so loving and caring of me throughout my life.  

Being able to give a bit of myself in no way balances the gifts I’ve received, but then I don’t think we are supposed to look at this as you did/I do exchange.  Being able to give of myself and my time is the greatest treasure I have to share and gives me the greatest fulfillment of all of life’s activities.  

 The “coincidence” of my having unlimited free time when it has been so clearly needed is just one more of those curious things in life that affirm my faith.  I do not believe that these events were scripted, but I do believe how I respond to them has been directed by, what I choose to call, God.  And like these happenings noted here, time and again, the events of my life, seeming somewhat random and arbitrary, affirm that God writes straight on crooked lines.