There is more than just waiting for a sale....

 ...and it is up to me, and only me, to figure it out.

From the time I put my home on the market until the signing of the P and S my full focus, really my only focus, was getting the sale executed, securing the loft in which I wanted to live, deciding what would move and what wouldn't, planning the layout and decor of my new home. 

When it all fell apart I was left feeling very sad.  Very disappointed, And very empty.  I had set aside everything else for this downsizing business. 

To "stage" my home I had packed up a lot the things I treasure.  To keep my home ever-ready for showing, I had restricted what I did, where I did it, and always, always left it in a "ready to show" state.

Being a carefree sewer this meant no lint and random threads scattered about that got vacuumed up, maybe once a week.  This meant no spreading out my sewing stuff all over the dining table, the kitchen counter in addition to the desk and every surface in my sewing room.

It really inhibited me as I had to leave enough time to clean up after myself every time I worked on something.  When there wasn't enough time to sew and clean-up, well, I didn't work on anything.  

So, not having my sewing to occupy me that left me way too much time to dream about my new home, plan the furniture layout, plan what I might get to make it function better for me.  These activities created no mess to clean up.

Fortunately, I also had my Bible Study group, my Centering Prayer group, and two volunteer commitments (assisting in the 6 week Cooking Matters class and mentoring in the 12 week Budget Buddies class).

The way things happened the classes ended and the prayer groups went on summer break and the sale fell apart.  So there is this big, gaping hole in my daily routine.  No forthcoming move to plan for and no regular commitments on which to focus.

Fortunately when the sale fell apart I was on my annual Centering Prayer retreat.  This week long retreat has been a constant and faithful anchor for my spiritual, prayer, emotional, intellectual, and physical life for well over 10 years.  

The retreat is held at the Paulist Father's summer camp, St. Mary's on the Lake, Lake George.  The routine of the retreat provides 4 opportunities daily to Center with the group. There are morning and evening session for learning, sharing, praying.  The afternoons are "free time" and my usual routine is to spend as of it as possible swimming in glorious Lake George.

The retreat is designed, led, inspired by Vinny McKiernan, CSP.  I have neither the skill nor the words to fully tell you about him, but here's on link that will give a little glimpse at who I have been privileged to be on retreat with these many years:  Vinny McKiernan, CSP on YouTube

 This routine for the week resets my "centering prayer clock" and also gets me into a daily routine of swimming at a local lake.  Over time I have learned to not pressure myself to Center twice daily.  I used to, seldom did it and then would simply give it all up as I had "failed".  Now my goal is one time a day, in the morning, somewhere during the getting into the day stuff.  That is not just doable, but becomes an essential part of setting me in a great mental, emotional, spiritual place for the rest of the day. 

The daily swimming is another time for reflection and prayer.  I set a starting distance out and back, and then add 10 additional stokes each way daily.  Gently increasing my exercise, stamina and meditative time. 

This waiting time is not what I planned, not what I wanted.  But, as is so often the case, it is exactly what I need.  The sale feel through.  I was left empty.  But, I was with a group and in a space that renews me and restores my courage to firmly stand on my faith.  Now, I am back home and have a revitalized foundation to stand on.

The sale will happen.  I will downsize and move to another home which I will make work for me.  In this meantime, it is summer, nature is glorious and abounding.  I am blessed with family and friends and I will use the inspiration from the retreat to propel me forward for this next phase, however long it takes.

And I will re-figure how to keep my home showing ready and still be able to sew and quilt and create as those activities fill me with much joy.  And I have so many ideas for things I want to make, learn and try.  I will not think about a new home until the next P and S is signed and been sitting for a day or two.  To steal from Father Vinny, I will "be present to the presence", I will live in this moment and not miss it because I am so focused on the next.
 

Starting Over

I won't bore you with the details, suffice it to say that circumstances which might have been avoided, but weren't, led to the prospective buyer withdrawing her offer. And that has led to my not securing the fantasy of living in a loft.  After some worrisome moments I found I was not obligated to the lease I signed, no money has been lost, the purchase and sale has been negated.  Nothing lost, nothing gained, just very disappointed.

This seemed like the course of events as I was leaving for my annual Centering Retreat and that is what came to pass while I was there.

I am so glad I decided to go on the retreat.  There would be no better place for me to handle this, no better surroundings, no better daily routine, no better group of people.  I was able to take in all that happened, recognize my disappointment and move on.  Because all it is, is a disappointment.  And there is no reason for me to make it emotionally any  "bigger than a bread box".

Friday evening I returned home, got my stuff organized and put away.  We had an open house yesterday afternoon and there were a good half dozen possible prospects.  So, I go on.

I am not liking being in this waiting mode, but that is what is happening now.  I can complain and whine and be unhappy, that would be very, very easy.

Or, I can try to see what is good in this.  I have no idea what will be next, only that there will be a next.  Because I have no idea, I don't have to plan for next, I can simply and patiently wait for it.  I don't have to figure anything out.  

I've gone through all my stuff and made the hard choices.  No matter what the outcome, when it is the appropriate time I will let go of what I don't want or need; for now it is pretty much set aside, emptied out, or out of the way and I am feeling quite comfortable living without just about all of it.

I don't need to plan for what my new home will need or have.  That can and will wait until I know what my new home will be and am packing to move into it. 

Right now I am called to, required to live simply in the here and now.  That is a good thing for me to get a whole lot of practice so I become more comfortable in it.

Just coming home from this annual, spiritually restoring retreat is the perfect preparation for this "ordinary" time. 

I have been and am a problem solver.  I thrive on analyzing whatever it is, redefining it to make it better, planning how it will be, look, feel.  These are all great skills that have served me very well in my work roles, in my volunteer roles, in family situations, much of my life.  

But, sometimes there is nothing to fix, plan, redo, improve.  Sometimes it is time to simply live and be.  When it came to my work I always said, once we get into "maintenance mode", when all changes are humming along, I am done, I am bored, and I would seek the next challenge. 

Life can be the ordinary, the daily, the routine, sometimes the mundane.  And I think aging and the frailty that can comes with it provides for long stretches of this type living.  So, it is really, really good practice for me to learn to live, thrive, and enjoy this way of being.

I have developed things I enjoy that give expression to my creativity, that allow me to feel fulfilled, that provide me with a sense of accomplishment and pleasure.  And when not doing those things I enjoy a good book, a good movie, good music, meditating, contemplating, feasting with my eyes on the glory of nature.

I will focus on these simply, ordinary things for however long this next phase of selling takes.  I will pray for the patience to wait for my next living situation, what ever IT may be.  And I will pray for IT,  whatever it may be, to be the next stage that I want and need, but may not know how to articulate or envision.  I will pray to not define what is next, but to recognize what IT is when IT is revealed to me.

 

The best laid plans etc, etc, etc

Spoke and wrote too soon.  Big snafu. Everything on hold and extended about a week.  Still going on retreat and will be praying for a very good resolution.  Will keep you all posted.

WOW and WHEW

 Just a very short update.  I'm too excited to write for long.  

The Purchase and Sale has been signed by both seller (that's me!) and the buyer (that's the family I am so excited about).  

I'm off to sign the lease on my loft.

All has been reviewed and approved by my lawyer.

This is really, really going to happen.

This waiting to get all the pieces into place and properly signed has been pure torture, but it is, at last, over.

I head out for a week long retreat, what a great way to be going into it.  Nothing hanging undone, unresolved.  And a whole week to celebrate and be grateful.

YEAH!!!!!

When I am back will be posting about what isn't coming with me and if any of you want any of it.  And other things related to this downsizing that this stressful waiting has put on the back burner.

 

I am going to risk all and go public

Now I know how prospective parents feel during those critical first three months of pregnancy when they are bursting with the joyful good news but feel the need to wait to be sure all is okay before announcing it.

The very day after I buried the St. Joseph statue in a planter on my deck and began the daily ritual of saying the prayer, every morning, noon and night a solid prospective buyer looked at my home.

At the end of the showing they wanted to make an official offer right there and then.  However, there was a very critical contingency which needed to be resolved.

Since that day until now we've been waiting with all digits crossed for the approval by the Condo Association of a needed modification and the for the passing of the home inspection.  

I am so wanting this to be a go, I am hedging my bets and counting on it.  The prospective buyer is a single mom with 2 children, a son who uses a wheel chair and a daughter.  She has been looking for the right home for her special and unique family for 2 years.  And my home seems to be what she has been looking for. 


The needed modification is to provide a level access from the parking area to the front door, the current walk has steps.  This request was submitted to the Association and their prompt response was that, in order to approve, they needed documented specs and assurance that the work would be done by someone licensed and insured.  This seems quite reasonable to me and feels like we are just a step away from approval.  The prospective buyer's father is a contractor so I am feeling confident all will fall into place. 


When I remodeled my place I planned the first floor for my living there until I had to go to a nursing home.  So I made all the doorways wide and, although it is not fully handicapped accessible, it is very wheel chair manageable.  This unique design of my first floor accommodates this young boy's unique needs.  Who would have thunk when I was designing the layout.

Tomorrow is the home inspection.  When I purchased this place there were a few issues that the home inspection showed.  Some were resolved by the seller before closing.  Others, which could wait and were not deal breakers, have been more than addressed, resolved, removed, and/or improved upon when I did the major remodel.  I am not anticipating anything arising that hasn't already been disclosed. 

I bought my townhouse as a place to provide a loving haven for my family; one that is welcoming and in which we would all feel comfy, save, secure.  I never thought of who would live here next and what it might mean to them.

Thinking that this space I created will continue to be a comfy, save and secure  home for this family delights me beyond what words can express.

So, we are a wink away from a contract for sale.  And this is happening in adequate time for me to secure the loft I was dreaming of living in!  The closing date accommodates my lease start date!  Everything, EVERYTHING is falling into place!

I am more than a bit stunned and awed that I am getting what I want and humbled by how blessed I am.  And that this particular family is the one who will be living in my home gives me more joy than I can contain.

I will be moving into my new digs and have wide open space with lots of light and sky surrounding me, a wonderful place to quilt and entertain.  They will be moving into their new digs and have a first floor that is an accessible open space in which to function and live.  How wonderful is that? 

It is not signed, sealed, and delivered so I will keep praying to St. Joseph and all others for this to be so.  Your prayers for the same would also be welcome.