Needed a long break
It seems that when one thing happens, others follow. So it has been for me. The sale fell through and I am having to start over. Need to reconsider my asking price and that means adjusting my plan. Not a crisis, but a change. And it is the kind of change that I need to take time to adjust to.
Being a thinker, a planner, a plodder, it takes time for me to get comfortable. I have to look at it from all angles, consider all aspects, contingencies, and find the positive on all sides. That takes time. But, when I do, then I can proceed fully comfortable and committed to the "new" whatever.
Adding to my consideration, both of my daughters have recently had some major life crises. I have been trying to be present to them, be supportive of them, while not taking responsibility for resolving or fixing things, as I simply cannot not. That takes lots of energy.
I do love my girls. But, I must admit, life with them is not at all what I ever expected or would have hoped for. They have taken me places I never thought I would go and once I got there knew this was someplace I did not want to be.
They have not done this in any deliberate manner. Rather, they are the product of their early childhood nurturing (or lack thereof) and experiences. They struggle with the effects of that. They do not ask for more of me than to just be with them. It is I who struggle with, oh, I want to "fix" this.
These past weeks I've been struggling. It is a reflex for me to immediately start defining a solution when I learn of something needing attention. It is also a reflex for me to believe that my solution is right and the one to be chosen.
To get myself to not start solving, to not start directing events, to not be in charge, that is not a reflex, that is more like lifting weights. It is hard, it is a struggle, I saps my energy and strength. The good news is, at last, I am getting comfortable with the current circumstances to accept what I can and cannot do and am honoring my limits.
Life goes on, I go on, and to do so in a healthy and fruitful manner I need to broaden my focus. Live in the moment. Take joy and pleasure in those things that provide them to me, nature, music, creativity, friends. And hold on to the foundation belief of my faith, "all shall be well".
Being a thinker, a planner, a plodder, it takes time for me to get comfortable. I have to look at it from all angles, consider all aspects, contingencies, and find the positive on all sides. That takes time. But, when I do, then I can proceed fully comfortable and committed to the "new" whatever.
Adding to my consideration, both of my daughters have recently had some major life crises. I have been trying to be present to them, be supportive of them, while not taking responsibility for resolving or fixing things, as I simply cannot not. That takes lots of energy.
I do love my girls. But, I must admit, life with them is not at all what I ever expected or would have hoped for. They have taken me places I never thought I would go and once I got there knew this was someplace I did not want to be.
They have not done this in any deliberate manner. Rather, they are the product of their early childhood nurturing (or lack thereof) and experiences. They struggle with the effects of that. They do not ask for more of me than to just be with them. It is I who struggle with, oh, I want to "fix" this.
These past weeks I've been struggling. It is a reflex for me to immediately start defining a solution when I learn of something needing attention. It is also a reflex for me to believe that my solution is right and the one to be chosen.
To get myself to not start solving, to not start directing events, to not be in charge, that is not a reflex, that is more like lifting weights. It is hard, it is a struggle, I saps my energy and strength. The good news is, at last, I am getting comfortable with the current circumstances to accept what I can and cannot do and am honoring my limits.
Life goes on, I go on, and to do so in a healthy and fruitful manner I need to broaden my focus. Live in the moment. Take joy and pleasure in those things that provide them to me, nature, music, creativity, friends. And hold on to the foundation belief of my faith, "all shall be well".
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