Word is out

I moved into my present home in Nov 1999. I moved in with my daughters and our two cats, Muffin and KoKo.  By the end of that year we had added JoJo and SouSou to the family.  So for these past 19 years this home has always had cats in attendance.

Living on the edge of a state forest I have enjoyed the assorted bird and wildlife that wanders by.  I've become comfortable with the variety of insects that can wiggle through the tiny holes in screens and want to stay.  Mostly I capture them and send them on their way.  If they we offering to chip into the mortgage payment I might be more welcoming!

I am also used to field mice looking to take up residence in the crawl space.  Not at all welcoming there.  Think they are a bit like rabbits and would soon have an army in possession of that space.  So, not quite so kindly, I have an exterminator lay bait traps.  Mostly the mice have been gracious enough to partake of the bait and wander elsewhere to end their lives.

Only once in these years did I have a field mouse inside the house.  And I am pretty certain it hopped in when I would leave one of the doors ajar so the cats could come and go as they pleased.  I became aware of it when, while watching TV, I thought, oh, how cute, all of them are playing with the same toy!  Then "the toy" squeaked and I recalled, they don't have any toys that make "that noise".  Checked it out, sure enough they were tormenting a mouse.  Was able to capture it and set it free, far from my doors.  That was over 10 years ago.

I have now been without any cats for over a week.  Yesterday morning I came into the kitchen as usual, turned on the lights, and went to make a coffee.  I glanced at my sink and there sitting upright, looking a little confused and concerned was a field mouse.  In the sink!  

Now, I happen to think they are really the cutest little things.  Big pink ears, big pink nose and tail.  This one was a brownish grey, hence the color "mousey brown".  He just sat frozen watching me.  I put a glass over him, slide some paper under it and took him outside and set him free.

As I was waiting for my coffee I thought, well, the word has gotten out to the natural world, no more cats in this abode.  What they never realized is, mine were never mousers.  Rather, if they found a mouse, or any other critter, they would have wanted me to adopt it also!!!!

SouSou - Dec 2000 to Aug 2018

This teeny, tiny princess' life ended today.  This has been coming since she was ill in the Spring with urinary tract bleeding.  She recovered really well from that and up until a few weeks ago was doing okay, okay for an 18 year old "the whole world exists to cater to me" princess.  Over these past few weeks I've watched her decline a bit each day.  I did some online research to get info on how to know "when it is time".  Each day I've thought we are getting close, yesterday I almost took her to the emergency vet, but talked myself out of it.  This morning I made the decision and the vet affairmed I called it correctly.

She was failing, but in no distress or pain, but failing.  So we had a bittersweet parting.

This little girl, at her heaviest, weighed 5.5 lbs!  A very tiny bundle of fir. She looked much larger, 7 -8 lbs, but that was just her lush coat.  The last few summers she's had a lion cut and looked like an overgrown rat.  But, having no fir during those hot months keep her more comfortable and playful.

She was the darling of all the cats and lived for them to pay attention and tend to her. She seldom had to groom herself, she always got the others to do that for her.  KoKo washed and washed her every night.  Muffin would sleep next to her to keep her cozy.  JoJo would wrap his paws around her to hold her tight to keep her safe. And those nights when she wasn't surrounded by one, two, or all three, she snuggled up under my chin, with her paws and head resting on my arm.  

She was not a lap sitter, but she loved to cuddle.  She was very stingy with her kisses, which only made them all the more sweet when she would deign to bestow one on you.  She was the social hostess.  Came to meet guests and was more than a bit insistent that they admire and pet her.  She had a great fondness for repairmen and would sit with them watching as they did their work and ran their power tools.  She also liked watching Garfield and Animal Planet shows on TV.

My sweet little girl, who will control my life now?  Who will drag the upstairs water dish into the middle of the hall where I almost trip on it to let me know it needed refilling?  Who will stand on my chest at 4:00 AM squawking and demanding breakfast?   Who will sit outside the bathroom complaining when I have been so rude as to close the door?  Who will pull at my arm and demand her share of the daily yogurt?  I will so dearly miss your demands and your company.

I find myself for the first time in 19 years cat-less.  I won't miss the litter box duty, nor the surprises of who threw up where, nor the coating of cat hair on just about everything.  But I will so very much miss  the sweetness of affection, the clown-fulness of play, and the ever present companionship.

Things are looking up!

When I first put my condo on the market, my dear friend J asked if I had buried St. Joseph.  This was something I had heard about but was not overly familiar with.

Seems there is a belief and a tradition, if you are selling your home you bury a statue of St. Joseph and pray for a sale and doing so will help the process.

To this end, quite some time back I decided I would do it.  First step was to get the statue.  Turns out, just down the road from my favorite sewing/quilt shop is a lovely religious stuff store.  

I went in a bit hesitantly and started searching for a St. Joseph statue.  Imagine my surprise when I came upon on full show case filled with St. Joseph Home Seller Kits!!!!

The box has a very nice resin statue about 5" high and instructions for what and how to do things and " the prayer".

For condo owners, who may not have a yard in which to bury their statue, it is suggested he be placed in a potted plant, one that will be moving with you.

This is what I did.  And, as those of you who have been reading along know, things started off quite fast and furious, lots of action, showings.  Then, a potential sale fell through.  And it was really, really, quiet, for a while.

I can't recall the exact date but some where during the falling apart and lull, I decided that I needed to re-pot 2 of the house plants that I had put on my deck, they were in huge, unattractive, plastic pots.  I had two really nice ceramic pots that would work.  So, one morning I went out and quickly re-potted the 2 plants.  I took the plastic pots along with some other "stuff" and put it all in the dumpster.
 
A few days after the re-potting I realized, uh oh, I might have thrown away St. Joseph.   I wasn't home when the thought came to me, but, when I got home, I poked around the soil in the plant I had selected for him and, nope, he wasn't there.

I really can't recall when I did this, but there is a part of me that is wondering, was it before the potential sale fell apart and was I the cause? 

So, no St. Joseph in my plant, potential sale not happening, and not much interest in my home.  After considerable pondering and calculating on my part, my realtor and I discussed dropping the price a bit and adjusting how it would be presented.   A decision was reached and the listing was revised.  This was on a Friday, I think maybe two Friday's back.   

I am very fortunate that my daughters visit rather often.  And I am very deliberate, when I know one of them is coming by to collect all the trash and have it waiting for them to cart to the dumpster for me.  The Saturday after publishing the revised listing I decided I needed to get the trash to the dumpster and would be doing it myself.  It is not that this is hard or far away, I've just enjoyed being so lovingly spoiled by my girls.  On this day I put on my "big-girl" pants and took my own trash to the dumpster.  

After  I put it in I just happened to look down.  On the ground I saw a small pile of potting soil with gravel and rocks.  This looked like the remains from one of my plants.  I remembered that when I threw out the plastic pots one of them had fallen over.  I looked a bit closer at this soil and, well, there he was, St. Joseph!!!!  He never got into the dumpster!  All this time he has been patiently waiting for me to come find him!

Delightedly I picked him up, brushed him off a bit and apologized profusely.  We went back home and as a way to atone for my carelessness, St. Joseph got a nice, warm bubble bath in the kitchen sink.  I gently cleaned out all the folds and crevices.  Then I sat him on the deck rail in the sun to dry.  After a bit, I once again, and with great reverence buried him, this time in a different plant.  

To recap, the listing was amended on Friday.  St. Joseph was found and re-buried on Saturday.  There was an open house on Sunday.  

Since that open house there has pretty much been at least one showing every day.   For now that is all I will say, but there has been a lot of new interest and between the price adjustment and restoration of St. Joseph I think we are back on track and on our way.

JoJo - Dec 2000 to Aug 2018

JoJo hasn't come home. He went out early (4:00 AM) as is his habit, but did not return within 20 or so minutes as he usually does. It's now 4:00 PM so I am pretty certain something happened and he won't/can't come home. I've walked around and called for him, nothing. He is usually such a good fellow, when I call he is at the door walking in within 5 or 10 minutes. So, his not responding pretty much has me thinking he can't.

He had a major health issue in the Spring and hasn't been all that well since. These last few days he's been a coming to breakfast late or not at all, eating one or two bites at most. The litter box had showed he was still pooping and peeing, OMG, was he peeing. But aside from that all he's been doing is sleeping, not even wanting to snuggle with me or be petted or brushed.

So, I think his time was coming to an end and now it has ended.

Both of my remaining cats had health issues this Spring, I thought it would be better if JoJo passed first, he was far more dependent and interactive with SouSou than she with him. She pretty much has always wanted to be and acts like she was an only cat, the others (and me) are here simply to take care of her. So, at least JoJo won't be grieving and lonely.

I will really miss him. Not the huge amounts of black and brown hair he's been dropping in huge clumps this past week. Not the, "I really am trying, but just can't seem to get my whole butt into the litter box, at least I got half in" messes. Not the running through and rolling in the wet mulch outside and leaving a trail of it all through the house. Well, I might even miss those things a bit.

What I will miss, is him sitting on the table next to my TV chair so patiently, waiting and staring me down so I would put him on my lap and brush or pet him, endlessly. I will miss him walking back and forth on the desk every morning, sharing my cereal and milk even though not invited. I will miss him sitting on my hand when I am using the mouse to stop that motion and get me to scratch his chin and ears. I will miss his daily work routine, every morning carrying a feather teaser downstairs and bringing it up to bed each evening. And when each task was accomplished announcing it very loudly. I will miss his racing to beat me upstairs at bed time, beating me onto the bed, claiming his space and then looking at me like, well what is taking you so long?

Eighteen years, that is how long he has been with me. I think he was probably only about 5 weeks old when I got him. And living with me in this house has been his whole life. He loved to go out and patrol his estate. And he was so good, whenever I called him, within minutes he would be at the door coming in. So, if he is not back home, it is because he cannot be.

I hope wherever it is that cats go he is now with his long missed, best buddy, Muffin and and his other friend, Muffin's sister, KoKo. I like to think they are all together cleaning and sleeping and purring and being content and that they remember their time here as having been pretty good.

Well, JoJo, you didn't let me get to know you until Muffin passed and when KoKo was gone you really showed and shared all the sweetness and love you had. It was a long time waiting for, but I treasured every day and will cherish every memory, thank you my big, handsome, boy.

I hate living in this in-between state

My home is still on the market.  I reduced the price, that did make for a seemingly successful Open House, but not much activity since.  

I am given to understand that this time of the summer is slow, lots of folks vacationing.  So, that might be part of the reason.  The other factors are those two things which deem my place a "hard sell".  Owner maintenance responsibility is higher than most condos and my specific condo fee is also high.

So, how to get folks beyond that and buy.  My realtor has suggested adding cash back at closing.  I have heard of this, but did not understand what it was and why.  Well, it is a way for the buyer to get a mortgage for what they need, but walk away from the closing with some cash.  My concern was that, as the seller I would be paying a commission on the higher (but not to me) selling price.  Turns out that isn't so, commission is based on net, after cash back to buyer.  So this is just another way to lower the price and put some cash in the buyers hands at the same time.

So, we will try this.  

I think, when I first started this, hearing from so many folks that my place was so attractive and would sell in a minute set me up to not think it might take time.  The two financial issues (unit maintenance and condo fee) do make it a harder than most to sell and that seems to mean it will take more time to find the right buyer.  

So, for me I have to get comfortable with living in an in-between state and not be discouraged.

My realtor and I have agreed that I can make it a bit easier on myself physically by not having to "hide" my cats' litter boxes.  My two cats, like me, are senior citizens, and though everything is working, it isn't working like it used to.  

JoJo, my big, handsome boy makes every effort to use the litter box, but these past six months or so only gets his bum to the edge, not fully inside.  So that means some stuff is in the box, some on pads I have layered around it.  Not a big deal to keep clean and sanitary when I have this all set up in middle of the guest room; a real difficult task when things are "hidden" under the eaves.  

All the bending and lifting to keep up with this certainly exasperated my sciatica issues.  So, from now on, I will leave it all where I can reach it without harm to me and the realtor will help potential buyers to be kindly as to why the middle of the guest room looks like a nursing home for frail senior cats, which, in fact, it is.

Just having this chore off my "be ready for a showing" list has me relieved and less bothered by this taking more time than I would like.  

I'm also giving myself permission to leave my many "in progress" quilting, embroidery, design things up and around.  It won't really be a lot of clutter, will let me be able to go from "station-to-station" to work on each project a little bit regularly and all that might distract buyers in that I have a lot of "hobbies".

It feels much better to be reclaiming a bit of my space and it feels like, in doing so, I could wait this out.  I might even consider entertaining once this brutal heat is over!

Needed a long break

It seems that when one thing happens, others follow.  So it has been for me.  The sale fell through and I am having to start over.  Need to reconsider my asking price and that means adjusting my plan.  Not a crisis, but a change.  And it is the kind of change that I need to take time to adjust to.  

Being a thinker, a planner, a plodder, it takes time for me to get comfortable.  I have to look at it from all angles, consider all aspects, contingencies, and find the positive on all sides.  That takes time.  But, when I do, then I can proceed fully comfortable and committed to the "new" whatever.

Adding to my consideration, both of my daughters have recently had some major life crises.  I have been trying to be present to them, be supportive of them, while not taking responsibility for resolving or fixing things, as I simply cannot not.  That takes lots of energy.  

I do love my girls.  But, I must admit, life with them is not at all what I ever expected or would have hoped for.  They have taken me places I never thought I would go and once I got there knew this was someplace I did not want to be.  

They have not done this in any deliberate manner.  Rather, they are the product of their early childhood nurturing (or lack thereof) and experiences.  They struggle with the effects of that.  They do not ask for more of me than to just be with them.  It is I who struggle with, oh, I want to "fix" this.  

These past weeks I've been struggling.  It is a reflex for me to immediately start defining a solution when I learn of something needing attention.  It is also a reflex for me to believe that my solution is right and the one to be chosen.  

To get myself to not start solving, to not start directing events, to not be in charge, that is not a reflex, that is more like lifting weights.  It is hard, it is a struggle, I saps my energy and strength.  The good news is, at last, I am getting comfortable with the current circumstances to accept what I can and cannot do and am honoring my limits.   

Life goes on, I go on, and to do so in a healthy and fruitful manner I need to broaden my focus.  Live in the moment.  Take joy and pleasure in those things that provide them to me, nature, music, creativity, friends.  And hold on to the foundation belief of my faith, "all shall be well".

 

There is more than just waiting for a sale....

 ...and it is up to me, and only me, to figure it out.

From the time I put my home on the market until the signing of the P and S my full focus, really my only focus, was getting the sale executed, securing the loft in which I wanted to live, deciding what would move and what wouldn't, planning the layout and decor of my new home. 

When it all fell apart I was left feeling very sad.  Very disappointed, And very empty.  I had set aside everything else for this downsizing business. 

To "stage" my home I had packed up a lot the things I treasure.  To keep my home ever-ready for showing, I had restricted what I did, where I did it, and always, always left it in a "ready to show" state.

Being a carefree sewer this meant no lint and random threads scattered about that got vacuumed up, maybe once a week.  This meant no spreading out my sewing stuff all over the dining table, the kitchen counter in addition to the desk and every surface in my sewing room.

It really inhibited me as I had to leave enough time to clean up after myself every time I worked on something.  When there wasn't enough time to sew and clean-up, well, I didn't work on anything.  

So, not having my sewing to occupy me that left me way too much time to dream about my new home, plan the furniture layout, plan what I might get to make it function better for me.  These activities created no mess to clean up.

Fortunately, I also had my Bible Study group, my Centering Prayer group, and two volunteer commitments (assisting in the 6 week Cooking Matters class and mentoring in the 12 week Budget Buddies class).

The way things happened the classes ended and the prayer groups went on summer break and the sale fell apart.  So there is this big, gaping hole in my daily routine.  No forthcoming move to plan for and no regular commitments on which to focus.

Fortunately when the sale fell apart I was on my annual Centering Prayer retreat.  This week long retreat has been a constant and faithful anchor for my spiritual, prayer, emotional, intellectual, and physical life for well over 10 years.  

The retreat is held at the Paulist Father's summer camp, St. Mary's on the Lake, Lake George.  The routine of the retreat provides 4 opportunities daily to Center with the group. There are morning and evening session for learning, sharing, praying.  The afternoons are "free time" and my usual routine is to spend as of it as possible swimming in glorious Lake George.

The retreat is designed, led, inspired by Vinny McKiernan, CSP.  I have neither the skill nor the words to fully tell you about him, but here's on link that will give a little glimpse at who I have been privileged to be on retreat with these many years:  Vinny McKiernan, CSP on YouTube

 This routine for the week resets my "centering prayer clock" and also gets me into a daily routine of swimming at a local lake.  Over time I have learned to not pressure myself to Center twice daily.  I used to, seldom did it and then would simply give it all up as I had "failed".  Now my goal is one time a day, in the morning, somewhere during the getting into the day stuff.  That is not just doable, but becomes an essential part of setting me in a great mental, emotional, spiritual place for the rest of the day. 

The daily swimming is another time for reflection and prayer.  I set a starting distance out and back, and then add 10 additional stokes each way daily.  Gently increasing my exercise, stamina and meditative time. 

This waiting time is not what I planned, not what I wanted.  But, as is so often the case, it is exactly what I need.  The sale feel through.  I was left empty.  But, I was with a group and in a space that renews me and restores my courage to firmly stand on my faith.  Now, I am back home and have a revitalized foundation to stand on.

The sale will happen.  I will downsize and move to another home which I will make work for me.  In this meantime, it is summer, nature is glorious and abounding.  I am blessed with family and friends and I will use the inspiration from the retreat to propel me forward for this next phase, however long it takes.

And I will re-figure how to keep my home showing ready and still be able to sew and quilt and create as those activities fill me with much joy.  And I have so many ideas for things I want to make, learn and try.  I will not think about a new home until the next P and S is signed and been sitting for a day or two.  To steal from Father Vinny, I will "be present to the presence", I will live in this moment and not miss it because I am so focused on the next.
 

Starting Over

I won't bore you with the details, suffice it to say that circumstances which might have been avoided, but weren't, led to the prospective buyer withdrawing her offer. And that has led to my not securing the fantasy of living in a loft.  After some worrisome moments I found I was not obligated to the lease I signed, no money has been lost, the purchase and sale has been negated.  Nothing lost, nothing gained, just very disappointed.

This seemed like the course of events as I was leaving for my annual Centering Retreat and that is what came to pass while I was there.

I am so glad I decided to go on the retreat.  There would be no better place for me to handle this, no better surroundings, no better daily routine, no better group of people.  I was able to take in all that happened, recognize my disappointment and move on.  Because all it is, is a disappointment.  And there is no reason for me to make it emotionally any  "bigger than a bread box".

Friday evening I returned home, got my stuff organized and put away.  We had an open house yesterday afternoon and there were a good half dozen possible prospects.  So, I go on.

I am not liking being in this waiting mode, but that is what is happening now.  I can complain and whine and be unhappy, that would be very, very easy.

Or, I can try to see what is good in this.  I have no idea what will be next, only that there will be a next.  Because I have no idea, I don't have to plan for next, I can simply and patiently wait for it.  I don't have to figure anything out.  

I've gone through all my stuff and made the hard choices.  No matter what the outcome, when it is the appropriate time I will let go of what I don't want or need; for now it is pretty much set aside, emptied out, or out of the way and I am feeling quite comfortable living without just about all of it.

I don't need to plan for what my new home will need or have.  That can and will wait until I know what my new home will be and am packing to move into it. 

Right now I am called to, required to live simply in the here and now.  That is a good thing for me to get a whole lot of practice so I become more comfortable in it.

Just coming home from this annual, spiritually restoring retreat is the perfect preparation for this "ordinary" time. 

I have been and am a problem solver.  I thrive on analyzing whatever it is, redefining it to make it better, planning how it will be, look, feel.  These are all great skills that have served me very well in my work roles, in my volunteer roles, in family situations, much of my life.  

But, sometimes there is nothing to fix, plan, redo, improve.  Sometimes it is time to simply live and be.  When it came to my work I always said, once we get into "maintenance mode", when all changes are humming along, I am done, I am bored, and I would seek the next challenge. 

Life can be the ordinary, the daily, the routine, sometimes the mundane.  And I think aging and the frailty that can comes with it provides for long stretches of this type living.  So, it is really, really good practice for me to learn to live, thrive, and enjoy this way of being.

I have developed things I enjoy that give expression to my creativity, that allow me to feel fulfilled, that provide me with a sense of accomplishment and pleasure.  And when not doing those things I enjoy a good book, a good movie, good music, meditating, contemplating, feasting with my eyes on the glory of nature.

I will focus on these simply, ordinary things for however long this next phase of selling takes.  I will pray for the patience to wait for my next living situation, what ever IT may be.  And I will pray for IT,  whatever it may be, to be the next stage that I want and need, but may not know how to articulate or envision.  I will pray to not define what is next, but to recognize what IT is when IT is revealed to me.

 

The best laid plans etc, etc, etc

Spoke and wrote too soon.  Big snafu. Everything on hold and extended about a week.  Still going on retreat and will be praying for a very good resolution.  Will keep you all posted.

WOW and WHEW

 Just a very short update.  I'm too excited to write for long.  

The Purchase and Sale has been signed by both seller (that's me!) and the buyer (that's the family I am so excited about).  

I'm off to sign the lease on my loft.

All has been reviewed and approved by my lawyer.

This is really, really going to happen.

This waiting to get all the pieces into place and properly signed has been pure torture, but it is, at last, over.

I head out for a week long retreat, what a great way to be going into it.  Nothing hanging undone, unresolved.  And a whole week to celebrate and be grateful.

YEAH!!!!!

When I am back will be posting about what isn't coming with me and if any of you want any of it.  And other things related to this downsizing that this stressful waiting has put on the back burner.

 

I am going to risk all and go public

Now I know how prospective parents feel during those critical first three months of pregnancy when they are bursting with the joyful good news but feel the need to wait to be sure all is okay before announcing it.

The very day after I buried the St. Joseph statue in a planter on my deck and began the daily ritual of saying the prayer, every morning, noon and night a solid prospective buyer looked at my home.

At the end of the showing they wanted to make an official offer right there and then.  However, there was a very critical contingency which needed to be resolved.

Since that day until now we've been waiting with all digits crossed for the approval by the Condo Association of a needed modification and the for the passing of the home inspection.  

I am so wanting this to be a go, I am hedging my bets and counting on it.  The prospective buyer is a single mom with 2 children, a son who uses a wheel chair and a daughter.  She has been looking for the right home for her special and unique family for 2 years.  And my home seems to be what she has been looking for. 


The needed modification is to provide a level access from the parking area to the front door, the current walk has steps.  This request was submitted to the Association and their prompt response was that, in order to approve, they needed documented specs and assurance that the work would be done by someone licensed and insured.  This seems quite reasonable to me and feels like we are just a step away from approval.  The prospective buyer's father is a contractor so I am feeling confident all will fall into place. 


When I remodeled my place I planned the first floor for my living there until I had to go to a nursing home.  So I made all the doorways wide and, although it is not fully handicapped accessible, it is very wheel chair manageable.  This unique design of my first floor accommodates this young boy's unique needs.  Who would have thunk when I was designing the layout.

Tomorrow is the home inspection.  When I purchased this place there were a few issues that the home inspection showed.  Some were resolved by the seller before closing.  Others, which could wait and were not deal breakers, have been more than addressed, resolved, removed, and/or improved upon when I did the major remodel.  I am not anticipating anything arising that hasn't already been disclosed. 

I bought my townhouse as a place to provide a loving haven for my family; one that is welcoming and in which we would all feel comfy, save, secure.  I never thought of who would live here next and what it might mean to them.

Thinking that this space I created will continue to be a comfy, save and secure  home for this family delights me beyond what words can express.

So, we are a wink away from a contract for sale.  And this is happening in adequate time for me to secure the loft I was dreaming of living in!  The closing date accommodates my lease start date!  Everything, EVERYTHING is falling into place!

I am more than a bit stunned and awed that I am getting what I want and humbled by how blessed I am.  And that this particular family is the one who will be living in my home gives me more joy than I can contain.

I will be moving into my new digs and have wide open space with lots of light and sky surrounding me, a wonderful place to quilt and entertain.  They will be moving into their new digs and have a first floor that is an accessible open space in which to function and live.  How wonderful is that? 

It is not signed, sealed, and delivered so I will keep praying to St. Joseph and all others for this to be so.  Your prayers for the same would also be welcome.